How To Motivate Your Children
Parents are busier today than any other point in history. I look at our family, and busy is just a way of life. The to-do list is long. Most parents I know have more to do than they can possibly do in a day and at the same time, we are having a harder time getting our kids to get involved and help out. It can feel like a battle to ask your kids to work. Chores, homework, playing with siblings, making their own lunches etc can throw you into a battle. And if you are anything like me, I don’t have time for battles! It might even seem like it is just easier to do it yourself.
While this is a very common pattern in families, it is also an avoidable pattern. There are things you can do to create a better dynamic to motivate your children to work hard and be helpful. I assure you, we still have battles at my house. But they tend to be less frequent and more peacefully resolved. Here’s some tips for you!
It takes a family to run a family
This is what I tell my kids when they are not wanting to help or feeling like something isn’t their responsibility. 7 people live in our house. 7 people get to assist in running our house. Some people (our toddlers) make more messes than others, but everyone can help in some way. Our 2 year old can pick up toys and wipe down walls. Our older boys do the dishes and clean the kitchen every night. They deep clean bathrooms on the weekend. There is a lot that they can do and should do. When they complain, I just remind them, “It takes a family to run a family.”
Define Fair
“It’s not fair” just might be my 3 least favorite words! One brother didn’t work as fast as another so he didn’t pick up as much as the other. Someone has an easier job. It seems like there are an endless amount of unfair situations to kids. We need to teach them what fair really is. In our house fair means doing what is in the best interest of the whole family. It is a big picture concept that I am constantly teaching to my children. Fair is also better achieved when we are being selfless instead of self-focused. Instead of getting frustrated, brushing it off, or backing down when your kids pull their fair card, use it as a teaching moment.
Work is good
I don’t know when work became something bad in our culture, but we all need some reprograming. Look up work in a thesaurus and it will give you synonyms like drudgery, toil, servitude and back breaking. Work is a Godly principle and brings us happiness. It is how we create the life we want. The best way to teach it is to let your kids see you enjoying it! Work with them. This morning one of my sons was being slow loading the dishwasher. He was on track for spending an hour finishing a 15 minute job. So I jumped in and we did it together. It didn’t involve punishments or shaming, it was simply an opportunity to show him that we can get things done quickly while having a positive attitude.
Easy Now, Hard Later. Hard Now, Easy Later
(Hint: this one isn’t just for the kids) This is kind of a universal principle. If you take the easy way out in the beginning, it almost always makes the job harder later. For example, you go to throw something away and it drops behind the trash can. You could just leave it and walk away. (I’ve done it, so have my kids.) Or you can stop, pick up the item, wipe up any mess right then and make it easier when it’s time to deep clean. If they do a bad job putting away their clothes, don’t just go in and re-do it for them. Have them go in and refold and reorganize their drawers. And when they are doing it, remind them that easy first means hard later. Ask them questions like, “Would it have been easier to just take 5 extra minutes to put your clothes away the first time?”
Calm, cool and under control
I’m pretty sure that came from a deodorant commercial, but it is crucial when motivating your children to work hard. Too many of us (I’m guilty too) try to incentivize or reward our kids into learning principles. Incentives and rewards support principles, they never effectively replace them. For you to teach these principles to your children, you will need to be calm and patient. If you get upset and start barking out commands during chore time, it will be a constant battle. Think about bosses you have had. The ones that get angry and loud are not good teachers. The ones that are firm in the expectation, but calm in the delivery tend to help bring out your best!
The majority of my clients are business owners and parents! If you are going to run those two worlds well, you will need to have help. I don’t recommend you try to do everything on your own in business and I don’t recommend that you try to do everything on your own at home! For more details: business strategies
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