This morning as I was writing in my spiritual journal, I was feeling conflicted. I have a very real part of me that longs to be a stay at home mom. Sometimes I am at peace with the longing, but other times it becomes a very real ache. I want to do projects around my house, play with my toddlers, get my kids off to school before I even have to think of getting myself ready, and be 100% available when they come home from school. I want to play legos when I feel like it. I want to sweep my floors every day and always have a clean kitchen. I want to do the play groups and go to lunch. (I know every stay at home mom reading this is rolling their eyes because that is probably not realistic.)
But my business is also requiring time and attention. My clients, who I love, are in the thick of growing their businesses. My marketing, admin and sales teams all need guidance and direction from me. If I don’t show up, it slows down everything and will affect other people’s success.
Please understand that I love and am grateful for my business. I also have longings in my business. I want to have a million dollar company (soon). I want to speak on stage to thousands of people. I want to be featured on TV and radio shows. I want to make a difference in the lives of my clients. I want to continue to see the growth and change in the people around me. I want to feel like I am pushing myself and learning and growing in new ways all the time. I want to have nice clothes without spit up, boogers or peanut butter on them. I love that people listen when I speak and that I have earned respect. I love that I have a voice and I wouldn’t want to give that up for anything… (Except maybe legos and DIY projects… or maybe not…)
Do you see why I was feeling conflicted? Over the years I have stopped fighting my conflicting desires and have learned to manage them by feeding both. But there are still times, like now, that I don’t feel in balance. Right now my family needs me more. We are settling into a new life. I am surrounded by boxes. My kids are starting new schools and don’t know anyone in their schools. I want to make sure they are doing well. I want to arrange play dates. I need to nest and nurture.
But my business is also requiring time and attention. My clients, who I love, are in the thick of growing their businesses. My marketing, admin and sales teams all need guidance and direction from me. If I don’t show up, it slows down everything and will affect other people’s success.
What’s a girl to do? Now you see my very honest dilemma.
As I was pondering, praying and journaling this morning I had a new inspired thought. “Amy, both are righteous desires. All righteous desires come from Me. They are in harmony and one in purpose.” That was a new, beautiful, and eye opening thought. I knew that The Lord approved of and supported me in both of my roles. I knew that I was on the correct path for me, my life and my family. But this is a new level of understanding for me. God is the Great Unifier of hearts and minds. Even mine.
I still believe in structuring and organizing my family life and business life. But I am adding in a new segment. Every morning I will ask the question to my Maker, “How can I serve today?” Whatever comes into my mind, I will do. And I will do it with faith that as I serve God, my desires to serve my family and serve my clients will not compete. They will fit together perfectly. I will find peace in only having one desire: To serve my God with everything I have. To get more details: http://amywalkerconsulting.com/
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